Being happy and living at the moment

Finding happiness

_by Aisha Chaudhary

This is a prepared text of Aisha chaudhary at Ink talks.

My story is different from most because I had to undergo a bone marrow transplant when I was just 6 months old, and now I have Pulomary Fibrosis, which is a serious lung disease, and my lung capacity is only 20%.

 My name is Aisha Chaudhary , and I am 17 years old, and today I would like to talk about—what really matters most to me in life. Now, life can be tough, when every single breath you take is a struggle. And the slightest infection causes a serious life-threatening exacerbation. And the last one for me was in November last year, when I went from being able to walk around freely and go to school, to suddenly being bedridden , unable to turn over in bed without getting out of breath. And I must confess that I did wonder if I was going to die, and I would  have sleepless nights, just thinking, tossing and turning with this idea that- soon may be gone, and if that’s going to happen  then what’s  the point of anything ? I’d think about this for hours and get nowhere, but then it suddenly struck me that I  am not really alone in all of this, is it not true that not just me, but all of us are going to die one day. Yes , all of us are going to die.

 I’d like you all to just think about that for a moment. In the next 100 years, all of us sitting in this room today will be gone. Just at different times, some sooner than the others. So then, if death is the ultimate truth, what should really matter most in life? The only thing that matters to me is being happy, and happiness is a choice one makes, it’s simply an attitude, I can either choose to be happy and try to smile through all of my difficult times, or I can choose to be miserable and get overwhelmed by it all. Now it’s not that by being miserable that I am  going to get any better. So , I may as well choose to be happy. And if I have to have pulmonary fibrosis, I choose to have a happy Pulmonary Fibrosis. 

Now, I would like to share with you a few difficult moments in the recent past, where I chosen to be happy. This year I was quite unwell, and I had to undergo several medical tests. And one such test was a sleep study, done to check if my oxygen levels were okay when I sleep. And this picture was taken right before the study, and you can see that I am almost trapped in a bunch of wires, some stuck to my face and some to my body, to monitor my heart, my brain, and my breathing.  Despite all of this, I am still smiling because I refuse to let this illness get the better of me. I just won’t let it. And I choose to find humor in observing the man who was doing my sleep study. I couldn’t help but laugh at the way he would just put up his own feet on my bed, go off to sleep himself, snoring away. And this obviously made it difficult for me to sleep, and maybe that’s why my results were so bad. “How ridiculous!,” I thought to myself. Later that month , my family and I had to go to England for a full medical chek-up. And the days were filled with long boring medical appointments, talking about lung transplant, and what seemed like endless amounts of tests. This is a picture of my brother and I , just after I had spent one long day at the hospital. But guess where we were headed in the this photo—to see a broadway show in London. And it was fabulous, I was  able to put the trauma of the day at the hospital behind me. And I still managed to find the will and the excitement in going out for a play, and spending quality time with my brother. I believe that it’s important to create many happy memories, so that we can try to wipe out the sad ones. After having quite an unpleasant summer with all of these medical issues, my family and I decided to take a holiday to the Maldives, and there was so much to do in the Maldives. But of course, my health didn’t permit me to do a lot of the things that I wanted to . and one of the main activities was snorkeling, and I desperately wanted to try it. But , how could a person who has difficult breathing go snorkeling? Well in this picture, you can see me in my snorkeling gear, right after I had popped my head out of the water, I’d seen the most beautiful, vibrant coloured fish. And I am not going to lie, I did only dip my head in for a second, but I did what I wanted to do, and that moment for me was worth everything. And I felt extreme happiness and was even surprised at myself for doing something that everyone wasn’t sure really possible. So, happiness is clearly a choice one can make. No matter  what, no matter where—you can find it if you look for it.

In fact, Tom Wilson once said,” A smile is happiness you can find right under your nose.” 

I feel that happiness is also doing what you truly love. And for me, my love is for art, simply because it allows me to express myself in such a beautiful and unique way. As I dip my brush in the vibrant colours of paint, and can almost feel the paint being smeared on to the fabric of the canvas, I tend to forget all of my worries, and the difficult situation that I am really in. and art makes me happy, because it almost becomes a whole another  world ,where I can escape, at lease for a little while. And these days my most favorite subject to paint is dogs. And now I would like to introduce you to my own 2 dogs, Coby, the Labrador, and Rolo, the black pug. You can see who is dominant  one is in the relationship. I find it so interesting that even though  they can’t speak a word, dogs can become the closest thing to your heart, your very best friend, and your companion. I love to observe them and try to figure them out, and I can’t help but get inspired, dogs are so similar to humans, yet they carry qualities that we humans struggle to achieve at times. Dogs can find happiness in the smallest of things, dogs are delighted with a walk, ecstatic with a small treat, and in heaven when you tickle their belly. Now I would like to share with you , a few paintings I have done recently that were inspired by these two guys. The first one is of Coby, and is capturing a snapshot of my everyday life, just lying on my bed and watching movies, just as I love to do. The next one, it’s inspired by my gorgeous pug Rolo and the legendary rock band Guns N’ Roses. And now all of this doesn’t mean that life is always one big song and dance, it really isn’t. Of course, there are days when I feel extremely down, where I feel like simply curling up into a ball and just giving up, but then the realization that things could always be much much worse—always pushes me to get back up on my feet, and put a smile on my face. I could have easily been born into a family that wasn’t as loving and caring as my own. So, I thank god for the family that I have. And I know for a fact that there are children out there who are much less fortunate that I am. And although I have this disease, I am still grateful that I can walk around , and do what I love to do. 

So, happiness is an attitude, happiness is doing what you truly love, and I feel that happiness can only come from acceptance. I accept who I am, I accept where I am at, and I accept the challenges that I am battling with today. And I am even more determined to make the most of this wonderful gift of life that god has given me. 

As Anderson once said, “ Enjoy life, there is plenty of time to be dead.” So, I really hope that all of you enjoy your lives, with as much happiness as you can possibly find. Thank you for listening.